trying not to look back

I finally have to recollect each and every single thing that happened during my first term in college.

changes.
consistencies.
laughters.
tears.
hatred.
love.
lies.
trust.
gaps.
renewals.

When you have amazing friends, great classmates, unforgettable memories, and ones that need to be changed, there's nothing more you can ask for.

on nightmares and scares

The last thing I remember was me trying to get my much deserved sleep after Finals week that got me the zit I now have on my forehead. And so let me tell you about my dream..

I suddenly found myself walking thru the halls of La Salle Building, while finding the room that took forever to be discovered. ACTBAS1 course card distribution: the day Accounting Majors either love most or otherwise. The room was jampacked and I could feel the heartbeat and nervousness of every single soul in that classroom that seemed like 3000 degree hot oven. Everyone was trying to hide how scared he or she is while joking around, making plans for the rest of the sembreak, and saying the perfect and over-used line of consolation: "I'm going to shift anyways.". And then silence took over the halls that was like a market just a few seconds ago. She held the course cards on her right hand and a bunch of yellow sheets on the other. We all followed her peremptorily. She started calling names and then my mind went blank.

The next thing I found myself doing was staring in frustration and disappointment at a white, rectangular piece of paper that had my doleful grade on.

A few hours ago I got this dejavu.

Time for a much needed reality-check. Wake up, Angela, wake up.

wouldn't it be nice?

to get a 4.0 in accounting
to receive a D&G razr
to be allowed to go to Tagaytay with blockmates this sembreak
if they finally find the cure for AIDS
if GMA would get kicked out of her position
if my algebra teacher realizes how her incessant use of uberly bothering floral patterns kills her students
if one of my friends would finally realize how she's been putting her college life to waste by not knowing how to set her priorities according to how useful it will be years from now
if people would stop seeing the black speck of dirt on a white sheet

to live together,in the kind of world where we belong.

one down.

Who knows how many more to go..

At least, it's finally over.

Well, this can mean two things:

over, meaning my dreams of being that money-making machine years and tears from now is G.O.N.E.

or..

over, meaning the incessant gush of pressure over my already beaten-up body, not to mention my incapacitated brain from hell week is finally over.


I certainly hope it only applies for the latter.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

last and final test:

TREDONE, oh TREDONE, what really do you want from us? We've all been trying to decipher each and every piece of you and so far the only thing we know is the reason you gave us a teacher name mr.barring, "all together now: boring", which is, in fact the very reason why half of the class have their heads laid on their desk during discussions. oohh.


I have gone to heaven, and a little bit of hell, yet something is holding me back from the feeling of being complete.

amdmoiwjioaktfqaxwsa

Hell week in:

5..
4..
3..
2..
1.

ctrl + delete +shift = this is what i'm about to do.

go figure.

a bitchfit moment

I wrote an anti-discrimatory against homosexuals essay for english class.

Forgive me for this one but he/she's really making the blood in my veins boil.

That inconsiderate fag ruined my smoothly-running-week again. I hate him. Imagine making us research about a freak and all his i-don't-give-a-damn-about-it-anyway works.

I probably should try and tolerate your gayness maybe because you've had it tough with your same-sex partner recently.

Ironic, isn't it? I don't get me either.

make the days count

Will you still love me in the morning?

I looked him in the eye and asked, "how long have been together again?" He bluntly answered, "I don't remember. I don't count." This may seem as a start of an argument for most couples but it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up (Thanks to Ne-yo for that one) in a bizarre way instead. Maybe because we're eccentric in the first place, we may look normal to many but I suggest you all look closely again. It's something even the both of us can't explain.

"Wait. March, April, May, June, July, August..Hey we've been together a year and a half!", I enthusiastically uttered. He answered back with a smile. And at that moment I knew I'll never find someone who's half as amazing as this guy-something only I could understand.

**********

I'm such a sucker for AdamSandler movies. He makes and breaks my heart in a span of a movie. Click reminded me of the classic novel, A Christmas Carol. And you guessed it right, Adam Sandler did play Uncle Scrooge's role. The predictable plot, no matter how predictable and shallow, still got me. I told I was such a sucker for his movies.

Forever and ever, Babe.

Nice to know you, Goodbye

I woke up one morning realizing I wasn't happy anymore.

I remember the time you came into my life in the most unexpected time and for the most unexpected reason. I was so happy because I finally have the chance to know you better, and though others say you're difficult, I decided to give myself a chance. You're unpredictable, and that's maybe one of the reasons why I was starting to like you even more. I spent countless days with you, carefully mastering each and every inch of you, hoping that I can get you like no one else has ever did.

We began smoothly and in an unexpected turn of events, the road started to get bumpy. I was gradually getting tired of you. I don't get you most of the time. I spend nights trying to figure you out but you don't help me in anyway. How are we suppposed to go on? I thought that we were supposed to be helping each other? How can you leave me in the middle of nowhere just like that? I guess you turned the other direction.

A couple of days ago, I had a heart to heart talk with my mother. She said "If it isn't meant to be, then it isn't." The spark just isn't there anymore. I'm sorry I had to end it at this but I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting my decision. Goodbye Accounting, I love you, but you don't love me anymore. Til we meet each other again-maybe in the course I MIGHT shift to.

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

no, wait, make that BURN.

So you wanna know why people sting from the back? Before you acuse me of hastingly generalizing and committing a fallacy, let me make it clear that actually, this is an isolated case. Sometimes, the situation calls for that plan B instead of slapping one right on his face because of mere pity for that someone. Why pity? Let's just say her face is already distorted and unpleasant and the least one can do is bite elsewhere. See? that's a very kind and considerate thing to do, isn't it? So just a little tip for you, the next time you device a revenge plan on anyone else, it's your shitface they've already stepped at and you're just embarrassing yourself because no one's behind your back. At least aside from those who have bitten you.

Ever heard of rabies-inversion? It's when the one you've bitten is so disgusting that you throw up and regret you ever tried to sting on that ugly piece of crap. And of course, given the processing capacity of your brain, which is obviously the reason why you're often the laughing stock of many, not to mention other insufficiencies which you think don't exist while the rest of the world think otherwise, you won't get a single thing I'm talking about.

I pity you.


On the title: try stepping out of someone else's shadow. Don't you have you own life to live?